Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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