i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
