You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Farmville is her only friend.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
