I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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