if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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