Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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