all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
