my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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