found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
