We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
