I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
they're like a gay fantastic four
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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