whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
