Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
