drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
