Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
