Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
