Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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