He kissed a someone with a penis
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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