I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
