His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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