made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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