It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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