There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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