We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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