My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
