ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
