I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
