sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
