Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
