come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
