It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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