so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
