I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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