I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
