apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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