So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Do vagina's smell?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
