I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
