how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
