he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
