What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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