I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
