So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
