Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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