my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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