one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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