Just cropdusted the office
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
