Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
