Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
