This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
