he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
