i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
